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I'm feeling mighty fine...   
07:58pm 07/12/2007
mood: cold
...got good music on my radio. So, three months later, here I am, back at my LiveJournal. I'm at work, Christina's singing 'Merry Christmas Baby" and I'm in the marketing room behind the band stage. If there weren't a wall in front of me I could literally reach out and touch Bucky.

Welcome to my world. I'm on break and it's been a long time since I've seen my friends and it will be a long time before I see them again. Most of them are out of state for this god-awful 6 week break, and by most of them, I of course mean my closest Otterbein pals. Some people are still here and it's been nice to see them, but you all know how it is. It's like having a plate full of desserts that are good, but what you really want is the chocolate cheesecake that won't be served until January. The carrot cake will do for now, but it's that damn chocolate cheesecake that's got your mouth watering.

Feel free to insert your favorite food items to make that analogy relevant to you.

It was nice to see some of the old drama kids over thanksgiving break. We've all changed in some way and it was beautiful to see. But it still feels different being with my high school friends. I'm comfortable, but it's a different dynamic. I dunno, it doesn't help that most of my friends are girls here either and I've grown quite accustomed to not only having people around, but having guys around. My only real guy friend here is Jon and I don't see him that often. It's just different, and I never imagined how much I would miss being at school. You have no idea. Before break even started, I was ready to come back.

So alot has happened throughout this first quarter but I really am not interested in recounting it all, especially since I've neglected my actual journal for an unjustifiably long time. But I would like to examine where I am now. I am home, my GPA is a respectable 3.6, I am working at Shadowbox which means I can get some money over break, I have started knitting again and actually finished something for the first time in years, I am feeling overly protective of certain people and feel like I need to kill some bitches. I'm pretty ok, as usual. I wake up feeling guilty more often than I have, even though I haven't done anything wrong since I've been home. Maybe it's just being back in that house that makes me feel guilty or, it could actually be something as simple as bad vibes coming from the mess that clutters my room.

The show is almost over, so I must depart. Bucky's behind me talking to Andy and the Santa Babies are performing on the other side of the wall in front of me. Soon I can go home. Have a Romy and Michelle day!

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I am...   
10:15am 22/09/2007
mood: giddy like a schoolgirl
...in repair. Hello LiveJournal readers! Long time no see. It's been a really long time since I've updated but I'll make it quick. I am at Otterbein, I just finished up my second week and I LOVE it. You guys have no idea. I had to go to Cleveland last week and as soon as I got in the car I wanted to come back here. My acting class is brilliant and everyone in it is so high on each other it's not even funny. I'm waiting for the backlash when we all get sick of each other, but so far things are peachy. I'm dancing again and both Stella and Maria from BalletMet work here so it brings back good and bad memories. Even though it's been two weeks, I met someone. His name is Dan and he plays guitar and sings beautifully and writes songs and loves films and I like him a lot so fingers are crossed. Basically I'm just really happy right now and I needed this. My roommate and I get along well, the showers are small, and the girls and I are going shopping today for the gay club we're going to tonight. FUN!

So quick update, one of these days I'll come back to you hardcore. But for anyone who asks, Jade is REALLY happy.

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What Do You Have To Say? - Music: My First Favorite Band   
04:40pm 12/09/2007
What was the first band you became a fan of?
Definitely the Spice Girls

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I called you because we’ve grown apart...   
11:48am 11/07/2007
mood: hungry
...this may seem absurd but I’m in the dark. One of my favorite quotes comes from the movie Crash and recently I had a revelation that brought the quote back into my life. The opening line of the movie is in fact this quote, which reads

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. "

I was walking around at work, selling raffle, running food, ushering, all of that fun stuff that I get paid for and I noticed how often I touched someone. Not inappropriately, but just a hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back. I tried to keep an eye on how often I did it, and I did it alot. Now we're not in LA or always in a car, but we still miss that touch so we steal those moments when we can get it back. It's unnerving how satisfying a pat on the back can be and I don't know if I'm just feeling lonely and out of it, but I've been reveling in the slightest touch from someone. I've been purposely bumping into people just to feel something, but trying not to freak out my friends. How sick is that? Does anyone else ever find themselves doing that? What I don't understand is why I feel the need to reach out like that. I thought I was quite content and capable of keeping to myself but I'm clearly missing something. I haven't been able to sleep well for a really long time and I'm just trying to figure out what it is and I think that it has something to do with this.
Subtext-I need a hug.

In other news:
-Rocky's going well
-did I mention I can't sleep?
-The Spice Girls are getting back together!!!
-I think I have a tapeworm-I'm so hungry

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No gifts have we to offer...   
01:24am 21/06/2007
mood: awake
...for all thy love imparts. Hello world. It is 125 in the morning and for the first time in a long time I am completely awake. It's hard to describe what's going on in my heart, but I'm happy for the most part. The friend situation has cleared itself up drastically and I'm very much ok with how things are going. On the other hand, I know there are some people who are mad at me. It sucks and I'd love to clear things up, but honestly I'm not too hurt by it. I think I'm just in the mindset that high school is over and I've already made that transition and I know who is going to be prevalent in my life the next four years and who will be an acquaintance. In reality, I'm ok with myself to the point that most people's opinions don't upset me. Would I like everyone to like me? Sure, but it's not realistic. I wish I cared more, but I've just moved on.
I hate writing late at night because I feel more nonsensical than usual. And I usually don't think about what I'm saying and end up pissing someone off but really at this point who cares?
I watched the Tony Awards. I always get really inspired after watching awards shows like the Tonys or the Oscars because I see what I aspire to be. And I was excited because Spring Awakening kicked ass and took names.
My new computer is named Clancy-he's a graduation present. I love him. I sent my grandpa a Pee Wee Herman christmas card as a thank you.
Rocky opened and it was so much fun. Come check it out sundays at Shadowbox, 230 and 730 through the end of July. And buy raffle from me!
I had planned on a really good update but it's just not happening. Sorry.

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Jade's 3rd Annual Birthday Review!   
09:26am 06/06/2007
mood: relieved
I know it's a little late but I bring you my favorite entry of the year, my annual birthday review. Here we go:


My annual review is a little later than usual, but I had been searching for a theme, something that basically summarizes my year. Last year, I chose various song lyrics to describe events in my life, but they were all random. After a lot of thought, I've finally reached a theme, one that has stayed constant throughout the year. This year has been the year of the 180. Everything important to me did a 180 and I've seen both sides of everything and that theme is best exemplified by the song "Erase/Rewind" by The Cardigans.

This has always been a song I overlooked. I listened to it on occasion, but not one of my favorites (even though it's in my range and easy to sing). However, certain lyrics are entirely relevant. Especially the chorus:
"I've changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
Cause I've been changing my mind
I've changed my mind"
Now it's not a matter of me changing my mind, but everything around me changing. Erase what I know and rewind it back to something different. Looking at it now, it can be best explained as a return to situations I either missed or abhorred.

There are only three areas of my life I'm concerned with: friends, drama, and work/school, so I apologize if you feel like it's all been said before. I'd like to end on a positive note, so I'll do what I can to accomplish that.

After I turned 17, everything was grand. I had a great birthday thanks to my friends (Mia!) and despite a very painful disconnect from Jon, I still had a great time. I felt loved and knew that I had many avenues for support. The start of senior year was especially good to me, I had that support in addition to a rekindled friendship with Jon as wel as a buttload of new friends (Martine, Caitlin, Zach, all of the newbies you know who you are). I was on top of the world.
It was a gradual change, but eventually I ended up back in that spot where I'd been many times before, where I'd felt disconnected and unloved. A new group had been formed and I wasn't a part of that (and I also felt like I'd lost any right to make a Last 5 Years reference. Sad.) We all know what happened last time I mentioned my unhappiness, I was accused of sabatoging the trio. That accusation hurt more than being ignored honestly, to think that I'm that selfish and that big of a bitch that I would do that. I was so caught up in what I was missing out on that I neglected everyone else. I'm sorry for that. Through this I realized that I'm not as strong as I thought and it was hard because I felt like I'd lost all of my support (which looking back on it I didn't lose any support, I just didn't look in the right place.) But whatever, I learned to adapt and accept what is given to me. Things change and since then things have gotten better. I've gotten closer to different people and have actually reached an ok position with the various trio members. I'm not ok, but I will be. So there's my complete 180 and it ended my year of 17 on a less than perfect note, but fortunately I can say that my year of 18 is starting off in the opposite (and better) direction. ***This was not meant to piss anyone off, contrary to popular belief***

School and work. School started off with a horrendous case of senioritis and with the exception of DC, it scked. Teachers were great but actual school was awful. Work, it was fun and I enjoyed going and being in that environment. It started wearing on me though. I hate doing kiosk and sometimes, I wish I didn't have to put on makeup or heels or sell raffle.
On the flip side, I'm REALLY good at selling raffle and I'm very comfortable at work. Rocky has injected a new life into me, as tiring as it is, it is essentially a fun process. School wasn't so bad. I remember senior retreat and how wonderful it felt giving a witness talk about Rose. Mr. Hansen and Mr. Ryan kept me going. Do I remember any of the material? No. But I do remember the laughter and fabulous conversations as well as the mutual respect we had for each other. I like myself better because of them.

Drama started off pretty bad what with being shafted at last year's banquet again and not having a third show at Fort Hayes. Then of course there's the conflict between the two schools and how I could only do one show at Fort Hayes. But the best part was when Judith cut me from my final show. I remember that moment and the conversation we had in the hallway. It felt like someone in the heavens threw up bricks all over me, an awful feeling. I wanted to give up on acting, if I can't even get into a show at Bishop fucking Hartley.
But who cares? Everything else relating to drama was amazing! I got the two parts I wanted in the Hartley shows I did get cast in (who else can say that they played a dream role like Abigail Williams?), I got the lead in one of the funniest shows ever. I've gained the respect of my peers in a way that I cannot even begin to describe. I've won Best Actress two years in a row at Fort Hayes, I've won Most Outstanding Student for Fort Hayes and Best Thespian at Hartley. These are two very highly regarded awards. I got into one of the most prestigious college acting programs in the country. I got a commercial opportunity. There's just so much that went right this year that I can't be upset. I am very confident that drama is what I'll be doing and for the first time, I am so proud of what I've accomplished.

These aspects have most influenced my year of 17. Everything else was just a day to day thing, but I did take many trips to my favorite place, New York, I saw Les Miz on Broadway, I went to Chicago, I've gone on auditions and picnics. I've visited my best friend at college a couple of times, had an enjoyable Christmas for the first time in a long time, strengthened my bond with my family, gained weight, lost weight, and had quite a few laughs. For the most part, this year was good and what was bad taught me how to cope. Once again, thank you to everyone who has affected me this year and here's to an even sweeter one as an 18 year old.

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What about lies *****, what about things...   
08:14am 17/05/2007
  ...that you swore to be true? On April 17th, 2004 I came up with a list of goals for my life. This is that list. Let's examine what has changed about me. I have listed the goals and then my reaction to it.

-Be on Broadway-still a possibility, still a dream

-Win an Oscar-definitely still a possibility

-Play Velma Kelly and Sally Bowles on Broadway-I'd be glad with any role and you don't have to be a great singer for either one necessarily, but after working Cabaret, I've realized that Sally Bowles, not so much anymore

-Join a ballet company-I love dancing but I couldn't stand the competition and inevitable destruction of my self esteem due to body issues

-Choreograph for that ballet company-this I can deal with, I love choreographing things but most companies would be reluctant to do anything I create

-Have sex with a gay man-anyone interested?

-Turn a straight man gay-for some reason I had this revelation a while back that I had turned someone gay, but I can't remember who it was, therefor it doesn't count (and don't worry, it's no one you would know)

-Turn a gay man straight-the more I think about it, this is cruel-I'd much rather rephrase this goal to say "be so desireable that a gay man would consider going straight for me"

-Perfect fouettes-I'm good at them, not on pointe, want to do it just for fun

-Learn how to shoot-this would make me very happy, but considering my addiction to action flicks like Kill Bill and low tolerance for stupid people, I probably shouldn't have a gun-I WILL go to jail

-Reunite the Spice Girls-it will happen

-Be a voice on the Simpsons-there's still time, but I'm scared that the show is starting to lose its steam and once it's gone, it's gone

-Host SNL-as much as it sucks nowadays, it's still a career milestone to host it

-Host SNL and be a guest on the Simpsons in the same week-probably not going to happen but if it does, I shant complain

-Invent a cure for bruised toenails-there is one, it's settled

-Go to college-I'm going! I'm going to learn how to act!

-Have 3 kids-not anytime soon

-Marry someone splendid-considering my track record with people in general, I'm not destined to find love-I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to be a crazy cat lady with one long strand of gray hair on a scooter

-Buy a house on the beach-if it's a cardboard box? yeah

-Leave the country-one of these days I'm going to Italy

-Get my lisence and a car-well hey, one actually came true

-Get a job-hey, there's another one

-Model the wings for Victoria's Secret (lol Kari)-I need to work out some more, but it still is my secret dream to be a Victoria's Secret model

-Meet Johnny Depp-well duh

-Go bungee jumping-I want to but for all the wrong reasons

-Go water skiing-I kinda did with Alex on the boat last summer

-Swim with dolphins-I have a feeling that this will happen during an impromptu trip to Florida one summer with my fellow theatre kids

-Make a zombie movie-it's going to happen

-Kill Martha Stewart-the list has grown, but she's still up there...

I needed something completely inane and stupid to keep my mind off of stupid shit. For what it's worth, I'm miserable and I have lost the one person I was depending on this summer. I honestly don't know what's going to happen with me. I'm scared.

But whatever.

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That's good bad...   
09:33am 05/05/2007
mood: crappy
...or mediocre. So here's what's going on in my life:
-still unhappy
-there are only 3 cars in my driveway
-I got a gorgeous prom dress
-I'm not excited for prom, graduation, or graduation parties
-I'm not having a graduation party or getting senior pictures
-Amy Lay is doing my hair for prom
-Rocky's going well
-Best Of isn't cast yet
-Spider-Man was eh-great special effects but the story was too much
-school will be over soon and summer will be over soon and then I get to go to one of the best acting programs in the country
-I also get to be a dance minor

So that's what's going on with me. Are things totally awesome with you? That's great.

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$5 Shadowbox tickets!!!   
11:29pm 01/05/2007
  Hey friends, tomorrow (Wednesday May 2nd) Shadowbox presents the next chapter in their celebrity series. We've got Rick Derringer (he made a little song called 'Hang on Sloopy," I wonder if any of you know it?) coming in to sing said song and appear in some sketches. I've got unlimited $5 tickets for anyone interested (you can pay at the door!). I know it's last minute but if you've got a free evening come check out a great Shadowbox show at a low price. You can contact me or make reservations directly through Shadowbox. Just call 614-416-7625 and mention "Jade's $5 ticket deal"

You all know they put on a great show so don't miss it!
Thanks homies.

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Hudson's floorwax doesn't matter...   
11:10am 27/04/2007
mood: whatev
...matter matter matter matter? Things have shifted drastically. I'm going to Otterbein. I got into their Acting BFA program which is indisputably one of the best programs in the United States. They only accept about 12 people nationwide and I managed to somehow get in. I won't be getting that escape to New York, but I know in the long run that my going to Otterbein will be better. As excited as I am that I managed to get in, I am actually more afraid of staying here than leaving. I'm emotionally in the same place as I was a while ago (but won't comment on that because there's no point anymore and I need to make the best of whatever is going on) but I'm learning more and more that I'm not as tough as I thought I was. I'm actually disgustingly sensitive and I'm honestly scared to stay here. I fear that I won't be able to get over what's bothering me if I stay here and it's no one's problem but my own.
I used to be so sure of myself.
-Next month I turn 18. Don't really want to. I can't use my age as an excuse anymore.
-This summer, I'll be in Best Of and Rocky-it's going to be SO much fun
-I raffled with Christina last night and made more than she did
-fingers crossed to be a prosecuting attorney in Mock Trial
-going down to Newport the friday before prom to take Sara home
-speaking of prom-I need a dress
-Subway sounds super tasty...

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You do it to yourself you do...   
08:37am 06/04/2007
mood: does anyone really care?
...you and no one else. When I was 2 my parents and my dog were my best friends and I was perfectly happy spinning around in a circle until I fell down. Right now I'm at a point where I wish I could go back to that pathetic existence. I wish my parents and my pets were my best friends and I had nothing to worry about, yet here I am, miserable. I am miserable. Luckily I know exactly what the problem is, unfortunately it's not really anything I can fix. I've been feeling left out of something I used to be an exclusive part of. It used to be Mia, Jon, and I and it was fantastic that way, but now it's Mia, Jon, and Alex. Now I am the first to admit that I understand that preferences change and things happen and all of those factors add to a shift in friendships, but it still hurts. A while ago, I came to the conclusion that I'm everyone's "secondary" friend, meaning that I'm not the first person people go to or think of when it comes to anything really. Hanging out, talking (with the exception of a few late night online conversations which I do appreciate). I finally came to terms with that, I'm ok with that. But what's happened is that I've become worse than that, I've become the fourth wheel who's only good for her computer. That I'm not ok with, but that's what it feels like to me. I can't get mad because it isn't a conscious effort (at least I don't think it is) on their part to exclude me, but it just happens. They make plans, I'm not invited and when I am reluctantly invited, I am obviously the downer, so I've tried giving up on it. I don't invite myself to their outings because I don't feel comfortable doing it-they're my friends right? That shouldn't be the case but it is. So even though I am breaking away from them it doesn't help to hear about how much fun they're having knowing that I used to be a part of that (and I can't even use a quote from The Last 5 Years in this case because that's managed to lose all of it's meaning to me too-thanks guys!). I've been beating myself up because of this possible paranoia, but it's beyond paranoia. It's an obvious change. I'm mad at myself for letting it get to me so bad. I even let it ruin my last cast dinner because there was such an obvious distance between me and them. I left my last cast dinner because of the Trio. It's pathetic.
I guess it's for the best. It makes it that much easier to go away to school. I have no one here to stay for. They don't want me and my other friends and I will be fine with random Facebook and AIM exchanges. I clearly won't be missed, but I am so ready to leave. I need to start over. I've been depressed for way too long over this, and I'm not one to be upset as long as I have been. There comes a point when you just need to give up and I've reached that point. I'm sick of feeling like a burden on the Super Trio. That's what it is, they're like the Power Rangers and I'm that robot that hangs out at headquarters and does stuff for them. When did I stop being fun? What happened? I don't know, but I need to get out of this situation. I'm only hurting myself. New York, here I come.
If I am making too much out of this, don't hate me (because I know from experience that that's a very possible outcome), but I can't help what I feel. I've been an absolute wreck for a month now and I'm sick of being quiet. I can't help it if I get the sense that I'm disliked so I won't apologize for how I feel, but if I am right, I'd like to know what the problem is so I don't screw up other friendships. You wanna know what's sad? The three people who are the cause of my problem probably won't even read this so I'm wasting my breath. Great.
If they do read it, hey guys, what's up? I'm not looking for pity, I'm looking for answers. But how can you give me answers if you're unaware of what's happening? I don't know, I'm not mad really, I'm just in pain and sick of feeling like crap.
So that's my position on life.

In other news
-I'm in the program at work-name's spelled wrong but that's ok
-I might be in Rocky Horror this summer
-My new monologue is suhweet
-I've been promoted to raffle girl-Amy and I made 185 while I was training last night
-Sara's in town-finally someone that loves me
-There's a frightening BP commercial about babies looking for a gas station on tv right now
-It's spring break and I'm gonna be home-fantastic

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If you could see her through my eyes...   
03:14pm 01/04/2007
mood: depressed
...she wouldn't look Jewish at all. Greetings friends. I have finished my last Hartley play. On the whole, it was a pretty fun night. I got to be onstage one last time because I had to fill in for Alex. No one knew who I was, but I got to be on that stage with the lights in front of an audience. It was so worth it. After cleaning up a few of the seniors went out and just spent some time with the stage. Brogan and I reenacted some scenes and I sat there and thought about everything I'd done. Eleven shows. One on the gym floor. Three backstage. Seven onstage. Lots of good memories. Judith let us turn out the house lights and just sit with the stage. Eventually, we started filing out and headed toward the back of the gym. I stood in the middle just reliving my first experience with Hartley drama and I just reflected on how much I've grown since then. It feels like yesterday, I can distinctly remember being in the middle of that gym floor and trying so hard to be as loud as I could because I'd been told I was too quiet. Since then, I don't think I've gotten that note. It was so surreal to stand there in a place that's so familiar and saying goodbye to it.
I started walking to the back of the gym and stopped to just turn and look at the stage. Jim was up onstage. He paused, picked his hat up and walked away. As he left the curtains started to close very slowly. It was straight out of a movie. I was overcome by something, I don't know what, but I was so surprised and I said "Oh my god" and once the curtains shut I started bawling. I was bawling. It was perhaps the most beautiful final moment I could have imagined. Seeing those curtains close, I dunno, it felt so final. I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was amazing.
All of the struggles I had with drama throughout the years were worth it for that moment. Thank you to anyone who has been a part of this for the past four years, the good, the bad, the ugly. It has been a great run. Who knows what's in store but there will always be Hartley Drama and the fantastic memories. Thank you.

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Because because because because because...   
10:49am 09/03/2007
mood: okay
...because of the wonderful things he does. So a quick update on my life:
-I got into Marymount Manhattan's BFA Acting program and will most likely be attending
-I have my Otterbein audition tomorrow
-I got my belly button pierced yesterday
-I've been promoted to program girl at work (I have responsibility now!)
-I've performed in my last high school show
-Judith cut me from my last show because she wanted to give someone else a chance on stage
-I am stage manager for said show
-My room is a mess and I have no motivation to clean it
-Mr. Hansen made me the nicest guy on the planet for Arab-Israeli Conflict when all I wanted was to blow shit up
-I'm no longer failing chemistry
-Spring is on it's way

That's about it.

So how are you?

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If only my life was more like...   
11:26am 25/02/2007
mood: loved

Dear John Mayer,
Thank you for providing excellent entertainment on Friday. Your performance made me smile, truly. You are without a doubt the best live performer I've seen and your voice is like butter. I will listen to your new album and wish that I had before the show so I wasn't completely lost. You are amazing. Thank you for singing to me. I may have been at the very back but, I know you sensed our connection. You rock.
Thank you John Mayer,

FYI-Mommy Dearest is on tv!!! I've been wanting to watch this movie for about a year now.

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All that's known, in history and science...   
09:09am 19/02/2007
mood: content
...overthrown at school, at home, by blind men. Joseph opened and closed last week. I'll just say that all of the bitching at rehearsals was worth it, the show was AMAZING. We got a chance to watch it at the cast party (illegally-shhh) and it was a really great show. I'm going to miss doing it. Performing is my favorite activity and I would gladly don that slinky black dress (which I got to keep by the way) and seduce Joseph again. Everyone else is so upset that it's over though. I'm not sad, yeah it was fun, yeah I'd do it again, but it's time to move on to the next thing. I guess it's just been neverending for me this year so I can't focus on what's passed. I mean I went from The Crucible straight into Romeo and Juliet, which went straight into Joseph and auditions for Hartley's spring show are this week, and See How They Run is next week. I can't focus on being sad over Joseph because it's not the end for me.
I'm happy. I'm stressed, but I'm happy. There's alot to do, I feel behind but I'm really not. Unfortunately, I am failing chemistry because I had one bad test. Now I have to give a damn the rest of the year. That is perhaps the worst thing in my life right now. I don't even care. So with that being the case, I can say that I'm happy.
Best school year ever! If I can end on a good note, it will have been worth it.

(Give me some of your tots)

Another letter to the Universe   
09:47am 11/02/2007
mood: determined
Dear Universe,
I know that this is an awfully pathetic request I have, but I need to get it out there. In November we put on The Crucible. During tech week, my script disappeared. Now I am very attached to my scripts, I still have my Jurors script even. Yesterday I thought "I think I'll do a monologue from the Crucible" but then it dawned on me that I couldn't because I didn't know where my script was. I have my suspicions but I'm giving everyone a chance to come clean. Could it be in my room? Yes. Could it be backstage somewhere? Yes. Could it be at Fort Hayes? Quite possibly, BUT I've checked there already. I'll check again, but if you know where it is, please please PLEASE let me know. It's very special to me. Judith offered me hers but it's not the same. So thank you for hearing my plea. You have been a wonderful audience.

(Give me some of your tots)

Some love is fire: some love is rust...   
08:23am 06/01/2007
mood: bored
...but the fiercest, cleanest love is lust. I'm starting to really feel the pull of senioritis. Going to school grows increasingly unbearable and I can't believe that I have until May. Exams are coming up and the idea is really unnerving. I wish school wasn't so useless. The thing with me is that if I can't find the relevance of something that doesn't interest me, I can't even try. I'm not the only one who feels this way. I despise going to school. Religion, Chemistry, English, those classes have nothing to do with what I want to do with my life. Government is the only thing that I could possibly use after I graduate and that's a stretch believe me. The four periods a day I spend at Hartley are a waste of my time, but a necessary evil, just like showering. I wish it wasn't necessary but damn it, I have to do it. Fucking A man. That's about my only concern right now, trying to get through the next couple of months. Graduation can't come soon enough.

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NYU is a no go   
06:55pm 18/12/2006
  No I did not get into NYU, yes I know it sucks, yes I'm ok, no I'm not quite sure where to go from here, no I would not like for everyone to bring this up please.

I'm just trying to get it out there so people don't ask me about it. Thanks.

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Every morning she would beckon...   
10:38pm 10/12/2006
mood: scared
...come and lie with me love. Greetings from the Hahn household. So I've been working on and off on homework while watching Lila and I've got a shitload of work to do this week. But the only thing I can think of is getting my NYU decision. I had originally thought that the letters were mailed out on friday but I just read online

"The majority of admissions decisions for Early Decision applicants will be mailed during the week of December 11th. Most everyone should receive their decision by the end of that week."

By the end of this week I'll know. I'm terrified, truly terrified. I mean I've got my back ups but this is my dream school. The day that I get the letter, it'll either kill me or make me pass out with joy. This week will be unbearably long and torturous. Nothing else matters to me but that.

Fingers crossed.

In other news, Romeo and Juliet went well, I got the part I wanted in Joseph, and auditions for See How They Run are Tuesday and Wednesday.

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09:10am 28/11/2006
  Hey guys! I've got another great Shadowbox deal for you. FREE tickets tonight (Tuesday, 28th) and tomorrow (Wednesday, 29th). The show starts at 730, doors open at 615. Call 416-7625 and just mention my name to make reservations!  

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